Have a question for Care and Feeding? Or Scotch tape. The other day I sent my 35-year-old daughter a link to the weather report for where she lives (about icy, dangerous roadsI was concerned about her morning commute), and she phoned me to ask that I not send such things, as if you think Im incompetent. I took this as her setting a boundary and told her Id respect that, even though doing things for the people I love is my love language. Photo by Getty Images Plus. Slate is published by The Slate Group, a Graham Holdings Company. Indeed, she was ambivalent, at best, about going in the first place. slate advice column care and feedingrent to own homes mobile alabama. I understand his love of peace and quiet, but he has told me he is done with going out. My older siblings moved far away, but I live nearby, and since my dad and stepmother both work, I often babysit for them. My Ex Wants Us to Vacation Like One, Big, Happy Family. Ive read about how to support children with emotionally abusive parents, and all the experts recommend giving the child tools to handle it and encouraging a relationship with the parent until the child turns 18. Hopefully that will be the case with your dad as well. ); some people have contact sporadically. At the beginning . I let him play with my old, no longer used gloves of all kinds. Now youve moved from nice guy status to pushover with no end in sight. How do we rejoin a world that would rather ignore us? Have a question for Care and Feeding? Every day that you take care of your family and love them and worry for them and get silly with them, youll be doing it, bit by bit. Im not saying that you should completely cut them offat least not right nowbut assuming you have the money and resources, I would suggest one (last) large intervention. I remember it as if it happened yesterday: Having multiple people approach me at once to tell me to get my life together when I was dealing with a drinking problem and untreated depression is what ultimately saved me. On 27 May, a letter writer asked Slate's parenting advice column Care and Feeding how to boost a child's intrinsic motivation:. Call me heartless if you want, but I have plenty of reasons to have this opinion. Care and Feeding is Slate's parenting advice column. Especially to her stepmother, who seems to be making no effort to hide her own considerable distaste and dislike for the childs mother. Some of their friends have grandparents who are in their early 60s. Writing into Slate's "Dear Prudence" advice column, the . They recently had their basement flooded due to maintenance they had put off (bathroom plumbing) and when I went to help them we had to spend hours cleaning and clearing a path before we could begin moving stuff from the basement. View more recently sold homes. I have met this friend-of-a-friend at a few parties, but we have never been very close, and I have never interacted with the brother. Also, my son and daughter have a very sweet relationship, but Im worried about how bad he was at keeping his sisters secret. But more and more, hes started adopting language and mannerisms that are directly from Big Nate, Diary of a Wimpy Kid, etc., and that are somewhere between really annoying and inappropriate for a kid his age. How Do I Get Them to Back Off? Image Credit: James Gardiner Collection via Flickr Creative Commons. Dear Care and Feeding, My brother "John" and his wife have three children. Uh, No Thanks. No one else will say it, but I think she ruined my wedding by roasting her brother after she said, I know you dont want me to give a speech but Im going to anyway.Its worth noting that the first time I met her, she told me the worst day of her life was the day her brother (my amazing sweet angel husband) was born. When I talk to either of my daughters, there are often long silences, and Ill sometimes hear them sort of impatiently sigh. My youngest daughter is 10 months old andat her birthwas diagnosed with a very rare genetic disorder that brings with it a wide range of physical and intellectual disabilities. You absolutely do owe her an apology, and it had better be a heartfelt one. If you missed Mondays column,read it here. Discuss this column in theSlate Parenting Facebook group! Example: They are teaching students to do math a certain way, but he can do it in his head, so Whats the point of doing it like that if I can just do it and get the right answer my way? Same thing with spelling. I told him I just wanted them to have a couple of hours out of the house and obviously the baby hadnt been THAT hungry if he kept refusing bottles. Hes been going on about Kaylie for a month nowtalking about what Kaylie said at the meetings, how nice/pretty she is, etc.and Im starting to get concerned. 87 Years After Nazis Stole My Grandfathers Citizenship, Germany Had an Offer for Me. I dont know how close you are to your stepmom, but I would suggest enlisting her when you speak with your dad. Of course, if you see that your son is showing major behavioral red flags for an extended period of time (acting out, violent behavior, self-harm, etc.) Dont get defensive or angry when it happens. We see her family a lot more than we see mine, and we have a good relationship with them. He LOVES his class and his teacher, and he has so many friends in the neighborhood. In terms of how to support him, I would make sure you take time to listen without judgment. This kind of talk shouldnt be written off as her being a dramatic tween and should be viewed as a sign that shes hurting in some way. Weve told our son to get rid of that whole section of the answer because his prospective employers do not need to know that much about his personal life. Uh, No Thanks. I am single and have a small home of about 800 square feet. Ive always been of the mind that regardless of whatever bad feelings there are between me and my ex, it is in our kids best interests to maintain a relationship with both parents. My husband and I feel overwhelmed and scared, but we love our daughter unconditionally and feel determined to build a fun, fulfilling, and happy life for our family. Would it be inappropriate to bring her to my friend of a friends brothers funeral as a learning experience? Even if you dont see any red flags other than what you outlined here, it wouldnt hurt to have her speak with a therapist. Yesterday, one of my stepbrothers and the older of my half sisters told me that they were really scared that Dad was going to die soon. At the time they were 11, 9 and 7, and I was . At the young age of four, she can be downright stunning. Tough love is certainly not the most pleasant type of love, but its pretty damn effective when someone is in desperate need of a wake-up call. How Do I Get Them to Back Off? I am 100 percent certain that this dynamic existed long before you entered the family. Still, I worry that when someone hears a lie over and over, a person can start to believe it is true. Sometimes its in response to little things, like a line for the bathroom or a movie she likes being taken off Netflix, other times its a reaction to more major setbacks, like not getting the grade she wants on a test or not making a sports team. Slate has a parenting advice column called Care and Feeding. Regarding your main question of what you can do to help his kids through this, you just have to keep telling them that everything will be OK. My husband and I don't dwell on this, in fact . Weve always had a guess about her sexuality though. Photos by polkadot and denisik11/iStock/Getty Images Plus. Submit it here or post it in the Slate Parenting Facebook group. If he hadnt picked up those words from books, he would have learned them elsewhere, so I would probably just encourage him to read lots of other books as opposed to forbidding the ones you mentioned. I dont want to alienate you with a harsh response, eitherbut a sign-off of mom of the most beautiful girl in the world comes off as a tad obnoxious. Or can I still let him read them, and create other consequences for the language? She took the baby and left the room to feed him. slate advice columns care and feeding. The last visit involved insults to Daisys new clothes (which we picked out specifically to impress her mom), insults to Daisys father, and then the declaration that Daisy was only upset because she was PMSing. I dont know what her inappropriate discipline looks like, but if she has ever struck your 5-year-old, of course you shouldnt allow her to be around him. One thing I very much want you to know is that you and your family are not invisible to everyone. During the pandemic,. Hes always been a little bit behind (within normal parameters) for self-regulating and similar skills, but hes not regressed too much. Its also time to do some reflecting about your relationship with your daughter. There is not a huge difference in what it will cost us, but enough to make a difference. My dad is in his 60s now and is starting to deal with a lot of the consequences of his age. My opinion is that you shouldnt police the behavior of people being kind to your child. Care and Feeding is Slates parenting advice column. A book based on the column titled Dear Prudence: Liberating Lessons from Slate.com's Beloved Advice Column will be released on April 4, 2023. Now hes dropping F-bombs constantly. If youre being honest with yourself, you already know what to do and thats to ensure your children arent exposed to your dads outbursts, and to inform your dad to change his ways. All English Franais. Things can change, but only if you do something about them. Let them know that you can see how unhappy their marriage is (you can offer chapter and verse), that its making you miserable to be living in the midst of it, and that you want them to know that you would be happier and overall much better off if they separated. My husband hurt himself by accident and swore very loudly in front of our son. There is absolutely nothing wrong with a kid receiving innocuous compliments about her good looks, because positive reinforcement of any kind usually yields positive results. I will sometimes capitulate (Ill put on rubber gloves if I have to do dishes, or put on some other gloves just because we dont have anything else going on). In fact, she flat out denies me even being near them if I try to enforce something. You say your husband is obviously hurt by his parents seeming to favor his sister, but unless he has told you that, I think youre projecting. I will point out that not giving your 7-year-old unlimited access to all the books he can technically read doesnt necessarily make you a book censor, or mean that you think those books or authors are without merit. It happens to the best of us at that age (and a month isnt so long! Her life will be just fine if being called beautiful is her biggest problem. 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