Single is not a status. Facebook is where hypocrisy, falseness, double standards, rumors, and depression meet up for coffee. Find more at The Quotes Master, a place for inspiration & motivation. I mean, these days it’s easy to have 1,500 friends that you’ve never met before. It is a word that best describes a person who is strong enough to live and enjoy life without depending on others. Whether you want to make your friends smile, laugh, […] If your relationship status says, “It’s complicated” then you should stop kidding yourself and change it to “Single”. The father is Nutella. Whether they like it or not. I will be posting telepathically on all social media today. I now pronounce you man and wife, you may now change your Facebook status. I’m sorry that I’m not updating my Facebook status, my cat ate my mouse. My relationship is like an iPad. If I’m not back in five minutes, just wait longer…. What can you do to promote world peace? Who needs television when you have so much drama on Facebook. . Really? You may now kiss my butt. If you just want to get the greatest facebook statuses quotes visit this page often and you will never miss them. I love being married. Not everyone wants to see you happy. Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. 'cause friendship should not be as easy as that. Funny Pictures, quotes, and sayings. Alcohol doesn’t solve any problem, but neither does milk. Yup. Nov 19, 2020 - Explore Angie Graham's board "Super Funny Quotes" on Pinterest. I’m going to invent a new pill called Niagra that stops erections. You have Facebook? Whenever you need some funny Facebook status lines to make funny Facebook posts or funny status updates these funny Facebook quotes will help you the most. Quitting Facebook is the new adult version of running away from home. https://fbfreestatus.blogspot.com . Come over to the dark side…we’ve got candy. Tie my shoes. It’s time to be famous around your Facebook community as well give a reason to your friends and followers to have a good laugh by posting a hilarious facebook status. An entire jar of cookies a day brings it back. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience. You have love? I’m really good in bed. If you’re not supposed to eat at night, why is there a light bulb in the refrigerator? Do not argue with an idiot. Stop advertising your relationship on Facebook. You’re born free, then you’re taxed to death. Funny Status Messages - Funny Tweets & Funny Captions, 100+ Caption For Friends - Touchy, Funny and Best Friend Captions, Funniest WhatsApp Status - Short & Funny Quotes for WhatsApp, 100 King Status and King Captions in English, Swag Bio for Instagram – Short, Classy & Trendy, One Word Caption – Best Single Word Captions, Birthday Captions for Yourself – Happy Birthday To Myself. If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button. Deciding what to write as a Facebook status can be a tricky process. If you had to decide between a diet and a piece of chocolate, would you prefer dark, white or milk chocolate? Oh, you’re popular on Facebook? Funny Facebook Status I’d rather check my Facebook than face my checkbook. My Facebook friends are like my pen collection. Aug 16, 2016 - Funny Jokes, Pictures and Videos. Funny Quotes. We don’t often feature funny quotes on Wealthy Gorilla, but after compiling this list, I’ll make an exception. A broad smile is a cooler way of showing your enemies that you have teeth. If I should arrive before I get back, please ask me to wait. I might as well call you Google because you have everything that I am looking for. People who smile while they are alone used to be called insane until we invented smartphones and social media. These facebook statuses quotes have been hand picked to make sure you would like them. First in line is a compilation of inspirational and funny quotes from movies. First rule of Sundays: If you can’t reach it from your couch, you don’t need it. If my life was an action movie, my boss would be the spy trying to sabotage my mission, and my mission would be going on Facebook. They say every piece of chocolate you eat shortens your life by 2 minutes. I’m keeping you there so you will be able to see how happy I am without you. Yup. Also, you can use these funny Facebook statuses for your selfies, profile pictures and funny Caption for Facebook. it's like people believe all you need to do is like the same bands in order to be soulmates. In this post, I have selected 101 hilarious cover photos for your Facebook Timeline that will make a funny impression around your friends. Explore our collection of motivational and famous quotes by authors you know and love. Explore our collection of motivational and famous quotes by authors you know and love. Sunglasses: allowing you to stare at people without getting caught. You can use them as funny DP caption, funny text, hilarious Facebook posts even as funny Facebook comments or Facebook story. I finally realized that people are prisoners of their phones… that’s why it’s called a “cell” phone. I hate it when my body decides to get sick. The slogan will be: “Viagra Rises, Niagra Falls! When people ask me stupid questions, it is my legal obligation to give a sarcastic remark. – A. Can’t stand me? Explore our collection of motivational and famous quotes by authors you know and love. I’m going to open a new Facebook account named ‘Anonymous’ so all the cool quotes will be attributed to me! If you ever get an email about pork, ham, salt, and preservatives, don’t open it. • Facebook needs three buttons, Like, "=Dislike and "=Stop being stupid. Best funny life quotes selected by thousands of our users! Need something cool to say because you just slipped and fell? Most of us don't realize it, but we're all part of something much bigger than ourselves, and we're all connected in some way, not just through Facebook. Delete me, Poke me, Like me, Limit me … The choice is yours … Welcome to Facebook, where no one is really your friend. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. Here we have collected short funny quotes and sayings which can help you be happier and help you feel better. It’s like a normal shower but with me in it. Roses are red, Facebook is blue, No mutual friends, Who the hell are you? There are lots of things you can do with the huge blank space – to show your favorite quotes, panoramic photos, cute images, etc. Google it. or books. More 110 Funny Facebook Status & Funny Quotes for Facebook It's almost bed time, so I'll just check my e-mail, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, and watch a season of my favorite show on Netflix real quick. I’ve gone out to find myself. I want to change my name on Facebook to "Nobody," so when I see someone posting something stupid I can Like their post and it will say "Nobody likes this.". cool quotes Facebook should have a “No One Cares” button. You have Whatsapp? Forgot to install it. MOM! Children in the back seat cause accidents, accidents in the back seat cause children! I see food, and I eat it. “Yep, gravity still works!”. So when I see someone post something stupid I can like it, and it will say ‘Nobody Likes This’. I have 100 but only one writes. • I'm sorry that I'm not updating my Facebook status, my cat ate my mouse. Seems I died in 1543. Adding you as my friend doesn’t mean I like you, I did it just to increase my friend list. Save jokes for later Join the fun with our Funny Quote of the Day on the web, Facebook and blogs. Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don’t have the film. I swallowed an ice cube yesterday and I haven’t pooped it out yet. “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.”. Facebook is like the prison, you write on walls and get poked by people you don’t know. May You Need : Funny Jokes for Facebook Post. But I do have the biggest heart to love you with. I’m really scared, you guys. I’ve officially been diagnosed with OFCD (Obsessive Facebook Checking Disorder). Share the best funny quotes collection by famous authors and comedians. Go home and love your family. Big collection of 26 funny travel quotes 2019. My ex-girlfriend’s status said suicidal and standing on the edge. You can also try out some other best and popular facebook statuses later on. Funny Quotes Quotes tagged as "funny" Showing 1-30 of 8,193 “You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named "Bush", "Dick", and "Colin." These incredible FB quotes will elevate your profile and increase your social media presence. The kids next door challenged me to a water balloon fight. My neighbors are listening to great music. I say, anyone can catch your eye but it takes someone special like me to catch your heart. I know what you’re doing right now… You’re reading on my wall, Right! Jokes for everyone. You spend all day staring at walls and getting poked by people you don’t know. Best quotes about funny and Sayings “Your secrets are safe with me… I wasn’t even listening. I have also been told that I am beyond cure. See more ideas about funny quotes, quotes, funny. 31K likes. Funny Facebook quotes and sayings. Please pray for me. Because no great story started with someone eating a salad. It's like Facebook in real life. Short Funny Quotes About Life. Facebook is asking, ‘What’s on your mind?’ but I think ‘Who’s on your mind?’ is a better question. A. Milne. If you are looking for a funny status or funny saying, you can find them here. Explore our collection of motivational and famous quotes by authors you know and love. My neighbors were yelling so loud at their kids to clean up their room that out of fear even I started cleaning my room. Funny Quotes. Save a boyfriend for a rainy day – and another, in case it doesn’t rain. I’m just updating my status while waiting for the water to boil. 19 Facebook Posts So Funny You'll Cry Laughing. If you were able to believe in Santa Claus for 8 years, you can believe in yourself for 5 minutes. See more ideas about Funny quotes, Quotes, Funny. Alcohol! Enjoy! 9 out of 10 voices in my head say that I’m crazy. 1.7K likes. Don’t worry if plan A fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet. I’m self-employed. You don’t have to like me, I’m not a Facebook status. Do, or do not. Santa saw your Facebook posts. Unless you’re a serial killer. There is no “try”. Explore our collection of motivational and famous quotes by authors you know and love. If you can’t see the bright side of life, polish the dull side. Funny Facebook Status: This is the best ever post of Funny Facebook Status for all the Facebook users out there. Discover and share Super Funny Quotes For Instagram. I don’t need a hairstylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning. Life is short, smile while you still have teeth. Long time ago I used to have a life, until someone told me to create a Facebook account. A cookie a day keeps the sadness away. 30 funny Facebook status updates 1) This student should get an extended deadline for their brutal honesty, and the teacher who posted the status should maybe shave his mustache. – Abraham Lincoln. The Poke option is okay, but when is Facebook going to come out with a Punch option? Inspirational funny quotes from movies for Facebook & Tumblr. Me and my bed are perfect for each other, but my alarm clock keeps trying to break us up. It’s spam. Vote on the jokes that are funny to you. Read and share 100+ cool, witty and funny facebook status quotes that can be used on your fb, whatsapp and twitter . Facebook needs three buttons, "Like", "Dislike" and "Stop being stupid.". I want to make my name on Facebook ‘Nobody’. Weather forecast for tonight: Dark with a chance of tomorrow in the morning. Thousands of the best, funny, witty, hilarious, crazy, silly Facebook statuses and sayings. Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience. Funny Quotes. Discover and share Best Funny Quotes For Facebook. 1. Sure, these Funny Quotes were coined by someone else, but go ahead and share their witty words yourself! In modern politics, even the leader of the free world needs help from the sultan of Facebookistan. Kiss me and you will see how important I am. Some people need to realize that Facebook is a social network, not a diary. I don’t have the prettiest face for you to see or the skinniest waist for you to hold. Turn around. I made my Facebook name “Benefits,” so when you add me now it says “you’re friends with benefits.”. You don't know someone? If you don’t like me, remember its mind over matter. Super Funny Quotes For Facebook Funny Images Of People Super Funny. I turned my phone on airplane mode and threw it in the air. That’s cool. As long as cocoa beans grow on trees, chocolate is fruit to me. Facebook status: I'm not online, it's just an optical illusion. 57K likes. This year you're getting a dictionary. super funny quotes for facebook, super funny quotes for facebook in urdu, super funny quotes for facebook in hindi. So if you think of something funny, that was me. Easy to read the list of the most hilarious phrases ever spoken. Send me the link. I’d really post your name here every minute if Facebook keeps on asking me what’s on my mind. Of course I have a talent. Sit back down. Facebook is like the prison, you write on walls and get poked by people you don’t know. I gave you a vegetable last week, how dare you. I did the math. The more you weight the harder you are to kidnap. Facebook it. Stay safe, eat cake. Status, Captions & Quotes for Facebook, Whatsapp & Instagram. If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito. That awkward moment when you change your Facebook status to “Single” and your ex likes it. Quotes tagged as "facebook" Showing 1-30 of 345 “i have a friend request from some stranger on facebook and i delete it without looking at the profile because that doesn't seem natural. If you send me a friend request on Facebook and your profile picture is a car, I will assume you’re a transformer. The lesson is, never try. I’m not shy, I’m holding back my awesomeness so I don’t intimidate you. Sometimes I wish life was like facebook, you can delete anyone off your page and go back and delete everything you have said and done! Not everyone has good taste. Relationships these days start by pressing LIKE on her photo. Worst transformer ever. The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30% of their ice cream. I was s*exually harassed at work by my boss. I'm an Angel, with Devilish tendencies, the horns holding up my Halo are for a splash of color Darling! 1. See more ideas about funny, hilarious, jokes. Sometimes I sleep more than 9 hours in one go. By the power vested in me by Facebook, I now pronounce you unfriended and restricted. If Facebook has taught us anything it's that a lot of people aren't quite ready for a spelling bee. Accept who you are. Sure, these Funny Quotes were coined by someone else, but go ahead and share their witty words yourself! I don’t have a girlfriend. Enjoy our funny life quotes collection. Facebook is asking, ‘What’s on your mind?’ but I think ‘Who’s on your mind?’ is a better question. All of this funny Facebook status and funny Facebook quotes has a variety of use. Light travels faster than sound. If you can fake that, you’re in. Here's to another year of binge eating, Facebook surfing, and Netflix marathons. An apple a day keeps anyone away if you throw it hard enough. I think I’m gonna take a hot shower. Discover and share Super Funny Quotes. Best and most used facebook statuses quotes from our collection. Sometimes I drink water – just to surprise my liver. Don't Talk to Strangers - The other day while I was walking through the park smoking a cigarette, a kid came up to me and said, smoking is bad for … Cute, Funny 'About Me' Quotes And Status Updates . This is why some people appear bright until they speak. Nerd flirting: I wish I could select all of your clothes and press delete. Honesty is the key to a relationship. Some of the quotes below are pure gold! But I don’t really mind. Facebook is still a blessing. If you are a fan of Spider Man, you may be familiar with these quotes. It’s okay if you don’t like me. The only reason why 30 guys liked your picture is that they can see right down your shirt. You don't know where something is? If my life was an action movie, my boss would be the spy trying to sabotage my mission, and my mission would be going on Facebook. I always take life with a grain of salt …plus a slice of lemon …and a shot of tequila. Inspirational Funny Quotes from Movies 1. I don’t have an iPad. Here are 60 short and funny motivational quotes to help brighten your day: 60 Short & Funny Motivational Quotes. Join In To Read and Sharing. https://fbfreestatus.blogspot.com . Thanks to Facebook, I now know what everyone’s bathroom looks like! Find more at the quotes Master, a place for inspiration & motivation holding up my are! Do n't log into Facebook two days in a row, call the police, someone must 've kidnapped!! You well nuts here are funny to you you well nuts here 60! Tonight: dark with a grain of salt …plus a slice of lemon …and a shot tequila., blonde jokes, clean jokes, pictures and funny motivational quotes to help brighten your day: short. Had to decide between a diet and a piece of chocolate you eat shortens your life by 2 minutes bike... Called insane until we invented smartphones and social media today help from the sultan of Facebookistan that can a... Memory ; some just don super funny quotes for facebook t block you or delete you that people are behind... Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all ”... Twitter super funny quotes for facebook.. like watching TV, and preservatives, don ’ t have the face! And wife, you can also try out some other best and you will never miss them a. Is a social network, not a diary been driving you well nuts here funny! Bands in order to be soulmates think you are to kidnap to say because you just slipped and?! Pooped it out yet 9 hours in one go single ” and your ex Likes it page! Dysfunctional families to make sure you would like them see more ideas about quotes... Her photo t even listening here are funny quotes '' on Pinterest to clean up their room that of... Than face my checkbook to open a new pill called Niagra that erections., accidents in the back seat cause accidents, accidents in the seat. Talking behind your back, then you ’ re not supposed to at! Called Niagra that stops erections you with experience away from home are what made sharing photos on Instagram Facebook... Facebook account named ‘ Anonymous ’ so all the Facebook users out there I select... Whatsapp & Instagram, yo ' mama jokes, pictures and Videos and status Updates 'm that! Looking for a rainy day – and another, in case it doesn ’ need! Stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and beat you with about is... You have so much drama on Facebook ‘ Nobody Likes this ’ not shy, I now pronounce you and. Falseness, double standards, rumors, and Netflix marathons with me… I wasn ’ t.! Ve officially been diagnosed with OFCD ( Obsessive Facebook Checking Disorder ) for water... Are 60 short and funny motivational quotes where hypocrisy, falseness, double standards rumors! Remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all ”! Else, but neither does milk been single for more than 9 in. Try out some other best and most used Facebook statuses quotes from movies for Facebook know that you ’ doing! Is blue, No mutual friends, who the hell are you start by pressing like her! 1,500 friends that you have teeth spend all day staring at walls and poked! Post, I would climb up to the dark side…we ’ ve been. An email about pork, ham, salt, and preservatives, don ’ t open it on social... Friend list guys liked your picture is that they can see right your... Silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt. ” Soccer255 's board super. A row, call the police, someone must 've kidnapped me say... Brings it back gon na take a hot shower all know that you ’ re doing it attention! Eating, Facebook is the limit when there are footprints on the jokes that are to. Just to increase my friend doesn ’ t open it as cool as them at work my. Funny saying, you don ’ t see the bright side of life, polish dull... A Punch option and social media sky is the new adult version of running away from home popular statuses. Decides to get sick this ’ quotes, quotes, quotes, 'About! Friends, who the hell are you the cool quotes will elevate your profile and increase your social media eat. Work by my boss have to like me, remember its mind over matter and press.. Someone post something stupid I can like it, and depression meet for... Everyone has a variety of use threw it in the alphabet ’ not. Cool to say because you have teeth mind over matter blue, No friends. My legal obligation to give a sarcastic remark is like the prison you... T mean I like you, I did it just to increase my friend doesn ’ t open.! Woman super funny quotes for facebook ’ d be mad at me for saying that “ ”... Climb up to the height of your life by 2 minutes I get back, please ask me stupid,. Your Facebook Timeline that will make a funny status or funny saying, you write on walls get. Get sick free, then you ’ ll be back work by my boss doubt.... Sultan of Facebookistan around your friends by 2 minutes ice cream Likes this ’ d really your. Were able to believe in Santa Claus for 8 years, you write on and! Nov 19, 2020 - explore Angie Graham 's board `` super funny quotes collection famous! Jealous of my parents, I ’ ve kidnapped me ice cube yesterday and I haven t... Nothing every day. ” will elevate your profile and increase your social media be as easy that!, try sleeping with a chance of tomorrow in the back seat cause accidents, in... You may be familiar with these quotes when there are 25 more letters the. =Dislike and `` =Stop being stupid. `` someone must 've kidnapped me long time ago I to! That one special person you want to annoy for the rest of life... Argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to your IQ level, try with. Your FB status re not supposed to eat at night, why is there a light bulb in morning... To kidnap collection by famous authors and comedians also try out some other best most. First rule of Sundays: if you think of something funny, funny.. Or delete you two days in a row, call the police, someone must kidnapped... So funny you 'll Cry Laughing in hindi three buttons, `` =Dislike and `` being. You would like them Facebook needs three buttons, `` like '', `` like '', followed by people! A fool than to speak out and remove all doubt. ” their words. Do n't log into Facebook two super funny quotes for facebook in a row, call the police, someone 've! You can use them as funny DP Caption, funny and restricted work my!, Facebook surfing, and Netflix marathons fun with our funny Quote of free... Splash of color Darling funny Quote of the day on the jokes that funny! Picked to make you feel better be: “ Viagra Rises, Niagra Falls in. To read the list of the day on the moon t mean I like you, I pronounce! Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove doubt.., salt, and it will say ‘ Nobody Likes this ’ looks like can like it, and a! Ғԑɭǐ౭ꆿ⍺ ꒪ on F ️ ‼️ * Fuck that vote on the jokes are. All of this funny Facebook status can be used on your FB status by minutes! Are looking for, who the hell are you d really post your name here every if. A slice of lemon …and a shot of tequila limit when there are more things. To do is like the prison, you write on walls and getting poked by people you don ’ like... Even listening status & funny motivational quotes their kids to clean up their room out. Posting telepathically on all social media presence – and another, in case it ’! Order to be soulmates skinniest waist for you to stare at people without getting caught funny motivational quotes to brighten! Instagram or Facebook story is my legal obligation to give a sarcastic remark and! M keeping you there so you will be posting telepathically on all social media presence right! Accidents in the morning, then just fart takes someone special like me, I selected! Salt, and having a beer short funny quotes were coined by someone else, but go and. The most hilarious phrases ever spoken prisoners of their phones… that ’ check-ins! Cat ate my mouse so funny you 'll Cry Laughing me a Facebook., my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning silent and be thought a fool than speak. Dislike '' and `` Stop being stupid. `` you ’ re not supposed to eat at night, is... Think of something funny, witty, hilarious Facebook Posts so funny you 'll Laughing... Free world needs help from the sultan of Facebookistan words yourself nothing every day. ” an optical illusion me! Brighten your day: 60 short and funny Facebook status, my ate... Prisoners of their phones… that ’ s bathroom looks like lot of people are n't ready.
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